Forgiveness

I have had to plan my dad's funeral today. This one thing that I felt that I would never had to do. He and I were not close. I had not seen him in almost 20 years. I had only spoken with him only once during this time. He died early Wednesday morning after having a major heart attack the night before. He was an organ donor and his kidneys are now inside two other people. I hope that they take this opportunity to live their life to the fullest, love their families, and hug their children.

I felt it strange to stand along side his body as the ventilators made his chest rise and fall. The doctors stated that his EEG indicated that only his brain stem was working and that all higher function was nonexistent. Across from me was a woman that I never met that had become his wife 18 years ago. I did not know what to say. Would could you say? I met my 8 year old half-sister. I introduced myself as "Hi, I'm Kris, I think that I am your big brother." My daughter has an aunt that is 5 years younger than her.

I stated earlier that it was a heart attack. Nobody really knows. I think he had a massive stroke. His EKG was great (I know how to read them). His wife said that his neck and head were hurting before he died. Historically us DeMauros have strong hearts, it is our brains that have always been a bit suspect. As most of you can attest that know me. They left me alone with him for a while. The tears fell pretty hard. I could not figure it out if I was grieving what I had lost or what I had never had. Sometimes it is hard to tell the two apart. I bent down to his ear and asked him to forgive me and I told him that I forgave him. We are going to have a simple memorial service next Saturday. He wanted to be cremated.

Thanks to Rebecca for all of her love and support and to my beautiful children. Poppy loves you.