38 Things that I have learned in 38 years

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. In the spirit of celebration I have listed 38 things that I have learned in the last 38 years. 1. Hugs don't cost a thing but are worth millions. 2. The words "I'm sorry" are as powerful as "I love you." 3. You can get a prescription for a Chihuahua if you have asthma. 4. New socks feel good on my feet. 5. Budweiser and pickled eggs makes for a rank fart in the morning. 6. Dune is a great movie. 7. Paste still tastes good. 8. Gay marriage is okay as long as both chicks are hot. 9. The coyote never wins but he never gives up. 10. The sound of fire hose "flaking off" the back of a pumper is sweet! 11. Dance like nobody is looking even when nobody is looking. 12. Mojo is stronger than the force. 13. Government cheese is good on animal crackers. 14. God is in the details. 15. For everything you loose, something new will replace it. You just may not notice it yet. 16. Japanese people have funny names. 17. Jack Lambert was one mean football player. 18. Moderation is only good in moderation. 19. God has his "A" game on when he made the female body. 20. All men are created equal, women are created better. 21. Sosa's are damn fine cigars. 22. Hearing "I love you daddy" opens my eyes, softens my hearts, and empties my wallet. 23. Seeing a guy getting hit in the balls with a wiffle-ball bat is still very funny. 24. That gooey-yellow thing in "pork-n-Beans" is the "pork." 25. Herbie Hancock and Earle Clugh are musical masters. 26. There is "something" out there. 27. Rock-n-roll ain't noise pollution. 28. A hemi cuda will smoke a big block camaro. 29. Going to bed with an itchy butt will cause you to wake up with smelly fingers. 30. I like sleeping on top of the covers. 31. Ice cream is better served cold. 32. Revenge is a dish best kept in the back of the fridge until it turns green and hairy and then you throw it away. 33. The best way to handle conflict is to confront it. 34. Houdini rhymes with weenie. 35. The smell of my wife's hair makes me sleep better. 36. It is easier to pee sitting down when you are sleepy. 37. Dogs are good. 38. A rich man invests in his family. Keep it real yo.

Life is good today.

We all have times in our lives that sometime just plain suck. But there also times when things are going good. Today things are good. Very good. We had a get together for my birthday today. It was family and friends and it was so very nice. My buddy Jay helped me install crown molding in the living room and it looks good. I had to buy a new finish nail gun. It came in a box along with a brad nailer. I already had a brad nailer so I gave the new one to Jay. Mojo is good when good mojo gets past along. Ms. Jay made me a chocolate cake with chocolate icing. It was awsome. My little bride has fluttered around me allday. I feel special. As MUD stated the storms are getting bad but it is that time of year. All that I can say for our Kansas family is "RUN!" Keep safe and watch out for each other.

Okay, Okay, it is almost my birthday.....

Well kids guess what.....I gotta a laptop, I gotta a laptop, all to myself. My little bride got me one. I am as happy as a puppy with 2 peters..... So now I can blog anytime.

The White Trash Yacht Club

The guys and me at the firehouse have started the White Trash Yacht Club. Our first regata is scheduled for May 5. We are all planning to go set "jug" lines and catch a bunch of catfish. This all started when Booger, our rookie, brought his boat to the station one shift so that we could work on it. Next Eric brings his. So, I got one. Oh they are fine vessels. Booger and Eric's are jon-boats with 20 hp motors. Mine is an old 14 foot aluminum modified vee that I aguired from Lloyd Allen. It is a fixer-upper for sure. We are all pretty excited about it. We missed a few tornadoes today. Wall clouds everywhere, but no funnels. talk to you soon.

I messed up a bit and Larry king is an ass.

I think that I have mentioned it before but for those of us older than 35 here it is again. You gotta be careful when you load your colon. Case in point: Last night my little bride made us nice leafy salad with all of the good stuff. I ate it. It was good. Now the problem. This morning I had, without properly thinking it through, a piece of rye toast, a cup of strong coffee, and...wait for it...a bowl of raisin bran. You guessed I O-F'd (over fibered). About 11 this morning I bent down to pick up a wrench and felt a "gurgle-gurgle" in my belly. With little haste and even less fanfare I hot lapped it to the shop bathroom. If you have never been in a mechanic shop's bathroom you have never seen filth in such magnitude. After a some "nesting" I, well, you know. Needless to say it was impressive. The aroma was of level that was a rival to any firehouse bunk room after chilidog night. I peeked out of the doorway to see if anybody was around. The coast was clear and I left in a stealth like manor. After about 5 minutes I had to go to parts and get a hose and hydraulic fittings. The bathroom is on the way to the parts counter. Another mechanic that works there, Sam, was a few feet ahead of me. As he passed the bathroom he exclaimed "Dear God, what is that awful smell!" Not to tell on myself I said "It was Darrold, that old bastard ain't right." Sam replied "I know, that man can stink-up a bathroom like nobody else." I kept walking. Now Larry King. Last night we watched him interview family and survivors of the Virgina Tech shootings. He is about as talented as a spider monkey. His questions were small minded and of poor taste. "Did you see your friends get shot?", "Were you scared?", "Can I have some more grape juice?" Oh well. Talk to you later...uh oh....Gurgle Gurgle......

Wow, over a month.

Well kids, I've been rather busy. Sorry to keep myself away from the blogs but the world needs John Deere tractors and It is my other job to set them up. It is kinda of funny that at this point in my professional life it get as excited about doing a dyno test on a John Deere 5103 with a SCV as I would about a fire. I still have my "love" for the job, I am just a little tired of dealing with city hall. I just finished teaching a "Fire Service Instructor Level One" class for a group of firefighters from around the state. It was a very good class and everybody passed their certification exams. Lets see what else is going on. I am having an article published in Fire Engineering Magazine titled "Self Directed Learning: A new approach to company level training." And I have been asked to prepare a paper for presentation at the Fire Department Instructors Conference in Indiana next spring. Kind of neat. I am disappointed with the IAFF supporting Hillary Clinton so early. I know that big labor always backs the Dems, but come on brothers and sisters. It is baseball season, does anybody care? I feel that the boys of Summer have never really recovered after the strike. Speaking of sports, what about Don Imus. OOPS! I was watching the NFL network recently. They were showing the NFL combine.This where NFL hopefuls demonstrate their skills prior to the draft. This year there was a difference. A new factor played into what round the athlete would be drafted in. It was how much legal trouble he had been in or is in. Apparently drugs and domestic violence can knock you down a few spots. Attempted murder or A&B on a cop can move you up a few. Well that is about it. Everybody is doing fine. Keep in touch.

Sunday Morning on Spring Street

Every year Rebecca and I go to a little place around Eureka Springs for our anniversery. We usually get there on Friday and leave on Sunday. We do a lot of stuff while there. One of my favorite things to do (besides the obvious) is to go to downtown Eureka Springs on a Sunday morning. The streets are not very crowded and there is little traffic. The shop owners are usually just opening up and the whole town seems "slower." The town has a charm at that time of day that is very unique. Remember to change the batteries in your smoke detector.

Politics.......

"To be 20 and not a liberal is to have no heart. To be 40 and not a conservative is to have no brain." Sir Winston Churchill.

The Story of MoJinka, the Gheto Fairy.

Once upon a time in a land soon forgotten lived a little fairy named MoJinka. MoJinka was a very sad fairy since very little good happened in the hood. And since Mr. Hardaway publicly stated that he dislike fairies things have only gotton worse for our little MoJinka. People were getting shot every single day. And the violence puzzled MoJinka. The people of this land always complained about the "man" being the cause of all of their problems. But MoJinka had never seen the "man" anywhere around the land. As a matter of fact there are very few men in the land where MoJinka lives. There are lots of women, and children. Lots of children. MoJinka often thought that she was slowly losing her ability to understand these people in her land. Their language has changed so much since thr early 1980's. A new fairy had taken over the television, it was called M-tv. Now instead of playing outside the children sit inside watching music videos and eating high fat commodity foods. MoJinka often thought that her people have become to believe that they are pampered pets. The great king always provided for the people. The people get free phone service and health care. Health care that people in the land of Suburbia have to pay a heavy penny for. Yet MoJinka feels disapointed when her people complain about having to wait a few hours in order to see the doctor. The great king has even given the people a majic card that they can go to the stores and buy food and recieve money. He has given them free houses and discount transportation. But the people do not appreciate it. They destroy what they have and then complain. This makes MoJinka said. There is still some hope for her land. There are a few bright spots. Men that do stay around. Mothers that instill a need for education into the hearts of the children. And the children. Their eyes are bright and their hearts are still pure. Maybe, just maybe, ther is hope.

Happy Valentine's Day

Bec, I love you. You are the best. Kristofer

A New Idea

It is no secret. This technology that we all use to communicate is being used by perverts to stalk and meet children. This weekend alone over 15 men, most soldiers and a pastor, were arrested for having child pornography. Most of this was on thier computers. Pornography is a dangerous addiction for men due to the fact that we are "wired" for visual stimuli. So it only takes a little bit of porn to send a pervert into a hunt for his type of victim. Though prevention is an ideal vision, we still must live in the real world. I propose that all convicted sex offenders should have the capital initials "SP" in their e-mail adresses. An example would be something like this: JDoe@yahoo.SP.com. If we can make it to the moon over 4o years ago using slide rules and mechanical relays ther has to be away to make this "SP" happen. By the way SP means sexual predator.

A New Idea

It is no secret. This technology that we all use to communicate is being used by perverts to stalk and meet children. This weekend alone over 15 men, most soldiers and a pastor, were arrested for having child pornography. Most of this was on thier computers. Pornography is a dangerous addiction for men due to the fact that we are "wired" for visual stimuli. So it only takes a little bit of porn to send a pervert into a hunt for his type of victim. Though prevention is an ideal vision, we still must live in the real world. I propose that all convicted sex offenders should have the capital initials "SP" in their e-mail adresses. An example would be something like this: JDoe@yahoo.SP.com. If we can make it to the moon over 4o years ago using slide rules and mechanical relays ther has to be away to make this "SP" happen. By the way SP means sexual predator.

It Did Not Take Long

Have you heard the latest funny joke? KFC has a new dinner that they call the Hillary special. It contains two big thighs, two small breast, and one left-wing. Well it was funny a few weeks ago. I still think that if Obama and Hilary Clinton would quit attacking each other and team up they could have the White house for the next 16 years. Greed and a need for power may be their downfall. Nancy Pelosi is playing the "It is because I am a woman" card. She is wanting a government 757 jet to fly her from California to DC. When the story was leaked she started to back pedal and when that failed she did the "they hate me because I am a woman" thing. I tell my daughters (and son) do not find an excuse find a way. They are growing be to strong individuals. Of course Bec has a lot to do with it. On Friday the 2nd we finally graduated the firefighter recruit class. It was a nice ceremony. We planned for 150 guest, expected 100, and had over 200. This week I taught hazardous materials operations (big freekin' yawn). I hate teaching this dry, dry, dry, course. It could be taught in 2 days. The course is 40 hours. Next Monday check the local fox 23 website (www.fox23.com). Rebecca has been nominated for the Jefferson Ward. This award is for outstanding community service. I hope that she wins. Talk to you soon(er)

PeterbiltTrucks and My Dad's Briefcase

Went with the wife and the nina to see the movie "Pan's Labrynth." It is a great movie. I forgot how much world history I have forgotten. The movie was set in 1944 Franco Spain. Go see the movie. When we got home I watched a show on the national geographic channel about the Peterbilt truck factory in Denton, Texas. I have always liked Denton. I did business with a company out of Denton for years. My dad was a trucker (among other things that would rhyme with the word trucker.) He always liked Peterbilt trucks or "Petes" as he called them. He would always tell me stories of driving a "big ol' Pete" passing other trucks like "Macks" and "KWs". Dad worked for a lot of different companies but is best job was with a trucking company called "DQ Wise." As a young boy he would take me to the "shop" and let me set in the big trucks. We would rabbit hunt in the field behind the lot and shoot turtles in the pond. I never really liked shooting the turtles but I liked being with him. I would miss on purpose, looking back now I think hid did too. He was the person that fosterd my ability to draw, especially mechanical drawings. When I would spend the night with him and one of my stepmoms he would always say "Son there is some drawing paper in my briefcase." We would set at the table or on the living room floor drawing on the coffee table. We drew "Big ol' Petes passing Macks and KWs."

Hairy Triceps

No this blog is not named after a used car saleman (but it would be a good name). I was at the gym yesterday, minding my own business, doing tricep extensions. I have been really strict on myself this last four weeks to meet some new fitness goals. The last fire I made I got a little more tired than I wanted too. Anyway, back to the triceps. Doing tricep extensions, with 140 lbs ( i've got my chest stuck out during this part of the blog)I notice that I have grown quite a substantial amount of hair on the back of my arms. Why? My arms have never been cold. I was pondering a waxing. But where would I start and and where would I stop? How about I have it french-braided. That would be awesome! Keep warm and have a good day.

Employee Evaluations Do Not Work.

I have come to the realization that employee evaluations do not work or do not give an accurate picture of the employees's performance. This week I had my annual employee evaluation completed by my supervisor. Though overall the evaluation was good, it was full of what my wife calls a "compli-cut." That is a compliment that also doubles as a cut down. One quote from the evaluation read "Kris is very knowledgeabe and confident in his abiltiy, how ever this keeps him from being a better officer." What the hell did that mean. I got no explanation from him on that. There were other areas that were also like that. I signed the evaluation and checked the box marked "I disagree with this evaluation." When I turned the evaluation back into him he read over it and asked "are you sure you want to turn this in?" I replied "yes sir." The next day I was at work and the Fire Chief asked to talk to me about my evaluation. He said that the comments that I wrote were fine and that the evaluation was less than accurate. He then quoted Albert Einstein "Great spirits often face violent opposition from mediocre men."

A Good Way to Tell What is on Her mind.

Okay, I think that I might have a clue about this one. I found out the best way to figure out what kind of mood your wife/girlfriend is in and what has been on her mind lately. Recently my little bride has been out of town so I have been driving her car. I turned on the cd player and found that she had made a cd of her recent, favorite songs. We started out with Christina Aguilera singing "nasty boy." Then we went into a Fergie song, mix in some Shinedown's "Lady so divine." Add a bit of Kiss' "Hotter than Hell." Then just top it of with some "dont you wish your girlfreind was hot like me."

Cigars and Fake Breasts

I was reviewing several of my last blogs and have come to the realization that all I have been writing about is fire stuff. I guess that I have been working too hard on this academy. So sorry for the FD overload. I always tell new firefighters "let the fire department be what you do, not who you are." As I was unwinding last evening and reading the latest edition of Cigar Aficionado. I really like a good cigar, hell I'll even smoke a bad one. David Coruso was on the cover, I guess he smokes cigars also. My sweet wife and I like to go to our favorite cigar store, buy a couple of nice smokes and retire to the smoking room. They have a huge leather couch that you can sit back and puff your troubles away. Anyway, as I was reading I turned the page to an advertisement that featured a guy sitting on a couch smoking a nice cigar with two hot chicas besides him. The caption was about something like "enjoy yourself or so something for yourself, yada yada yada." These ladies were right shiny. Now early in may days I would not have noticed the cigar, I would have zoomed in on the fake breast. Now I just kind of wondered what type of cigar that was.

Push Starting A K-12 Saw

This is a rookie Firefighter's attempt to push start a gasoline powered circular saw used for cutting roofs, doors, and cars. It was a joke. You can not push start one of these no matter how hard you try.

They Passed Firefighter One

Owasso Fire Department Fire Academy 2007-01

"Hey Man, I Found a Leg"

The academy is going well and we are almost done with the first half. Yesterday the recruits learned and practiced search and rescue inside a building. After the lecture we did the practical part of the module. We set-up the bunkroom at station 1 as an apartment. We used an old rescue manikin as our "victim", we call him Manny. The bunkroom makes a great search and rescue area because we can completely black it out. No light at all. As we were posing the manikin he lost a leg. The manikin is in bad shape (much like Buster from Mythbusters) and I guess the wingnut that held his left leg in place came loose. (That is so wrong on so many levels.) We had the recruits work in teams of 2, wearing full bunkergear and SCBA. The first crew ent in for a search. I was using our thermal imaging camera to monitor thier progress. The camera allows me to see in the dark. The crew went into the and started to search the room. The first thing that they found was Manny's loose leg. They shouted out "Hey......I found......uh, uh,......a leg." What about Barak Obama running for president?.....What if either him or Condi jumped ship and they teamed up? Sweet.

Week Two is Complete, Three More to Go.

Well it is a little after 0500 and there is an inch of ice on the ground outside. The furnace has not shut off in hours and there is a fire in the fireplace. I went to "take a nap" around 6:00 pm last night and apparently "napped" until four this morning. I do not like winter. We have just finished up a the second week of the fire academy. I had to change several things around due to the pending (now upon us) bad weather. In the pictures included with this blog your will see an exercise that we did for dealing with sprinkler systems. The students had to use wooden wedges to block an open sprinkler head. It was great fun to watch. The other pics are just of the training trailer and of me giving a quick review of the candidates performances. I will spend this weekend writing a 50 question test for the candidates to take on Monday. I hope to write on a few more papers that I have going. My article on the FE website is getting a lot of hits. Keep warm. Kris

MUD Knows History, Kris Knows Fire

After a thurough historical ass-whipping by MUD I will yeild the floor on history. I was trying to use a bad example to prove and irrelevant point. My wife (Mrs. Beautiful) says I should write what I know. I have included a link to an article of mine that got published on Fire Engineering's web site http://fe.pennnet.com/display_article/281427/25/ARTCL/none/BRNIS/Self-directed-training-teams/ . Day 5 went well in the academy. See ya'll later.

Day Four at the Academy, oh yeah the Nazi thing.

The first week is over and we all survived. Friday was the hazardous materials awareness level training and certification. I am for sure not a hazmat guy. I was surprised to find, along with my 10 recruits, 18 other students that I had no idea were going to be there. OSU had not sent enough student manuals, ERG's, or test. But we got through. I guess I should have prefaced that whole "success of the Nazi party thing" with this; how the Nazi party was able to be successful in becoming powerful in government. Some would say it was a charismatic leader. Okay if a college drop-out, wannabe artist, closet homosexual, meth addict is a definition of a charismatic leader. And by the way, Hitler was not part Jewish. The Nazi party was so successful at taking over a country (Germany) that only a few years before had been defeated in war was because they were involved. Involved in everything. The Nazi party grew because they infiltrated every level of German society. My Pappy was a tanker in WWII in Normandy. He seldom talked of his experiences in specific detail. For the most part he kept it all inside. He did not hate any of the opponents he fought, he was doing his job. He did dislike the French. He felt like they just rolled over for Germany and waited for the Allies to bail them out.

Fire Academy: Day Three

The lads are TV stars. The local Fox affiliate came by and shot video of the recruits. They did a great job pretending to be very interested in my lecture. We finally finished up the ICS and NIMS modules required by the Department of Homeland Security. Today is hazardous matrials awareness. For the last 20 minutes of the day I have them shut their books and we have a talk about any issue they want. Yesterday we talked about initiative. As recruits, once they get out to thier assignment, it will be critical to thier success that they take some initiative to do things around the station. Enough of this feel good stuff. The next blog will be on why the Nazi party was so successful.

Fire Academy: Day Two

It was like Christmas for the recruits. At the end of day one, after sitting through lectures and filling out tons of paperwork from human resources, they all got to open and put together thier bunkger gear. This is the protective clothing that they wear while fighting a fire. There was boxes and plastic bags and paper everywhere. It reminded me of when the kids were little and they dove into their Christmas presents. It was funny to hear 10 grown (that is such a loose term) giggle like boys as they put the gear together. Jan 3 was their second day. The academy covered ICS or Incident Command System. It is rather dry to teach and to take. The fun spot in the day was when the recruits ot to take their group picture. Also it was the first day that we took them to the gym. I have them scheduled for PT on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

Fire Academy: Day One

The fire academy started yesterday. We have 10 new fire recruits, the most that we have ever hired at one time. I would have to say that this is one of the most exciting times in my career. The group is a mixture of guys with no experience, volunteer experience, and one guy who left a larger department to come and work for us. I will keep everybody up -to - date on thier progress.